my first silver hair...

My first silver hair...
And i wondered why ...
Stress ? Nutritional deficiency ? Heredity ?
If i cant prevent it ..I'll henna it!

Constant headaches
a little breathlessness
a little overweight
a little knee pain
But the little pills
can set them all right!

Crows feet around my eyes
Try a little botox?
The fading world...
Progressive lenses of course!
Run diet yoga
Get a little younger


Tweeze the hair
Save the skin
Fight the change!
Live a little longer..

No oil   No fried foods
No sweets
Powdered jamun seeds
Karela and greens
Raw and nasty !

Yet one day..
I find I cannot  get up from my bed
The body is worn out..
I need somebody
To help me up
I live in fear
of being deserted...

Life has become a burden
But still I hope..
That tomorrow I'll get younger
I'll get better
Get up , walk  , cook ,
Play with my grandson, amuse him..!

Then I despair ..
Suddenly I smell death
Slowly but surely
its coming my way..
Fear and sadness
depress me.

What did I do wrong  that THIS is happening  ??

My first silver hair..
Did you try to tell me
'Its time to find Krishna
The dark mysterious one'

As I walk and
eat less with sugar free
I have to live longer
not to live longer...!
But to find that  Truth
That Light
To simply Be
Be happy
At peace !
: )

Friends

Long forgotten friends took me years back in time...

28 yrs!

The colonial buildings,the lofty trees with the nesting cranes,the stone benches,the meandering paths,trellis covered with creepers,

narrow staircases,the school building with so many entrances,dark corridors,a lift!..the charms of vikaasa were many.

Wide eyed - with hesitant smiles.. we - the new comers stepped in to make new friends,fit in ,and perchance study  !

I dont know how it happened but we girls had to occupy the first row. I was sandwiched between Nina my south paw friend, with her continental clothes,ready smile and misleading softspoken gentleness and  serious studious Akthar. With guilty pleasure I recall the horrible plots Nina and I used to think up to trouble the chem and physics lab assistants who were too strict with us! She could sweet talk Mr. Venky to free all the white mice and stand her ground that even from a different angle her artistic hibiscus was still a scientific diagram! You rocked Nina!

Across the aisle was Shoba my dancing friend striving for perfection and precision in everything.Next was Shyla the artist.We so liked your people on paper with big soulful eyes , sombre expressions and the earthy colours.Then of course was Brindha from Botswana with her ready smile and perfect diction !

Somehow the coolcats of our class Nikhat, Sudha and Uma were in the last row with Thiagarajan, Vijayarajan and Udhaya banu  and seemed to be having a rollicking time always!

Nikhat could do so many things it was amazing play basketball, the guitar, croon along ,run, jump and be such a fun friend too!

Sudha had a little sister who called her Sukka which fit such an endearing,sweet, ever helpful friend even better .
Umsy with her basilik glare and no nonsense ways turned out to have the warmest smile dimple et al  to be the sweetest friend !

In the second row were all the brainiacs of our class.  Can remember Arvind, Ramakrishnan, Vanchi, Prakash ,Mani ,Robert ..always furiously  working on their maths, racing to get the answers first and scaring dimwits like me by their very  brilliance! Vanchi's cryptic sense of humour riling poor nikhat always and Mani's amazing gk all had a charm of their own.

And we had so many rameshes in our class, S G  SV who were only known by their initials finally! Brings a smile to recall sv singing ,playing,whirling around to dazzle and impress! Remember Eapen ,S Ramesh so quite and courteous... Srinath my sisters friends brother... Narayanaswamy the tall quite one from fiji ...

Kumar and G Ramesh the star athletes seemed to be Mr. Reddy's assistants leading the horrible drills and endless laps!

Some of us who were allergic to maths Sudha and me and others did advanced english instead with sk the sweetest most tolerant teacher, So we got to know Kiran Chitra  and all the commerce group folks as well Maddhu, Rita and her lovely sisters,Sita , Sharon the perfect one!, Rajesh, Ashok, Deen, Chockalingam, Anand, Satyadev and his karate greeting, Ramesh dagga and everyone else!

So many memories rush in  ...  Thiagarajan frightening poor Miss Sashirekha, Sudha's shoelace as ribbon tied to a chair ,sharing laps and art class with mads,veena classes with shoba...

Inspite of the awkwardness of teenage I'm glad i was there... 28 yrs ago.. to find my best friends for life !

sumi

The Legacy

THE LEGACY
 
CHAPTER ONE
  Are we destitutes? - the four of us - a young widow and her three young girls..
lost and penniless without my father. Are we to be pitied and shunned ?-NO! NO! NO!
What if my mother does'nt have a son. I am there for her. Soon i'll finish my
schooling and with Valluvar and Vivekananda in my soul I'll work as a teacher
and with dignity and respect we will live and even find some happiness.
 
  Today is the day of the interview. There is no reason for me to be rejected.
I'll go for the teacher training and soon our troubles will be over. My mother
is not happy with the situation, but she is a kind and lovely lady. She believes
in me and will stand by me. The guilt of not having a dowry to get me married
weighs her down heavily. But I assure her we'll do fine.
 
 What is this new twist to the story? My mother tells me I'm getting married!
Marriage ? I'm not sure about this. I cannot leave my mother and sisters and go
anywhere. But it seems it's not the usual thing.
 
  It seems a clever girl like me has caught the fancy of a young zamindar.
I think our days of woe are over. I'm taking on the role of a wife and mother of
two young children. It sounds a little too much.. but i don't care. I will accept
what has come my way with dignity and grace. The good man has a home and heart
big enough for all of us.


  It is the third marriage for him. In spite of his huge wealth and comforts,
he had to lose two young women to disease. Will his son and daughter accept
me? Will they be jealous of their father's affection for me?




  CHAPTER TWO.


  Ten glorious years have rolled by. I'm expecting my eighth child at the end of
the year. Will it be a beautiful daughter or a dutiful son? It seems like just
yesterday when i was waiting for my first born. She is a beautiful girl,quite,
sensitive and intelligent who thrills her father with her learned ways. He named
her Shankunthala, after king Bharat's mother, but Thanthaka is what he likes to
call her, like the young ones.
  My second daughter Kausalya, named after Rama's
mother dilligently follows her elder sister - impressing us with her well
memorized Tamil verses and her helpful ways. Kakli as he calls her is his
favourite too.


  My third daughter, beautifully named Vatsala by her doting father is such a help
to my mother. There was a cobra underneath her cradle, when she was a baby which
left her unharmed. Since then we feel, she is a gift from the snake gods and
seeking their protection, we also named her Nagarathinam - the jewel of the snake
-lovingly called Nappu.
  My fourth born is Leela, my beautiful daughter with her
delicate ways and soulful eyes. She is a joy to behold, so neat and clean and so
willing to learn from her elder sisters. She is a beauty, is'nt she?
 
  Our prayers were at last answered when we were blessed with our beautiful son
Dhayalavel. He is a pride and joy to behold. His father and sisters are surely
going to spoil him rotten. Amidst all his chores, my husband takes great
pleasure in giving him a clean bath and getting him ready for school! No father
could be more thrilled with his son.
  Like the gentle spring is my sixth bornVasantha. A little delicate and frail,
 she wanders around always smiling, doting on her anna, Leelakka and her little sister.
 
  My youngest daughter is here beside me-Indra, just like Nehru's daughter, but
she is kutti to all of us. Bright and beautiful and a joy to behold. Already
she has all her sisters and thambi wrapped around her little finger!
  Yes! At last my second son is here. Our joy knew no bounds. He is so small and beautiful and
looks so much like his father.Gunavel is the joy of all our hearts with his
pensive looks and ready smile.
 
  The years have rolled by. My two stepchildren were married off with great pomp and
show. My husband is always busy,but always spends time with his family. He
enquires about their studies, takes us on a vacation to Kodaikanal every
summer. He has bought a spinning mill among other things which is his great
pride. Life could'nt be better. Everything that a whiteman invents is hurried
into our home much to the delight of the children. The car and the telephone
and the radio are a great source of pride and entertainment to all my children.
My mother could'nt be happier that I have kept her so busy with my
children.


  Yet he looks troubled. To a person who lends to a bank, money cannot be a
problem. His eldest daughter is in Lanka and he is setting out to visit her
tomorrow. Even as he collects the shopping list from his little ones,he looks a
little troubled as he bids us farewell.


  CHAPTER THREE
 
  NO! it could'nt be him. A nobleman was found dead in a train coach in
SriLanka. But it could'nt be HIM. Yet his papers have pointed to our house and
i've been asked to identify. My beloved relatives have rallied around me. But I
refuse to believe it. He was an active and healthy man ...how can he die? but the
body is on the way home
 
  Dear God! but why did you do this to me? Have the good deeds of my past lives
dribbled away. Where has he gone? I should not have let him go. Aiyo! What will
i do? How can i live without him. Can a little poison take me too.. to wherever he is?


  Dear God did you give me such an abundance of joy ,only to snatch it away
so soon. Look at these dear little ones. How could you bereave them like this.
How can i bring them up on my own. How will they grow up without a father. Is
there any justice in all this? Did i do any great harm to someone in some
long forgotten past life. What about these little ones. What did they do to
deserve this?
 
  Did i really find so much happiness in eleven short years? Was it all a
mirage? How will i climb out from the depths of my sorrow. How can i face my
little ones. What can i tell them?Dear God, help me to do the right thing for my
sons and daughters. Give me the strength to face everyday. Nothing -but
nothing - can make me totally alright again. The childrens' every look and every
action will only remind me of what i have lost. Look at my youngest ones, they
will never even remember their father.. not just a father- but a
wonderful,kind,witty,helpful,loving father. How can i ever hope to make it
alright for them.
 
  Not long was I allowed to indulge in my grief. I shut myself in a dark room and
cried in silent agony.. not meeting anyone, not even seeing the children. It seems
even grief is a luxury for a widow with eight children. Can i trust our fortunes
to my stepson and expect him to support us? Acres and acres of land, fields,
and salt pans and buildings spanning so many towns...how ignorant i was of all
this wealth. But they give me no comfort. The rent from the many buildings and
salt pans alone can feed and educate my children. The enormous wealth kindled
animosity from some of the relatives. The thorns on the path are sharp and they
even draw blood.
 
  What a big responsibility! How will my sons know what to do without a father
to guide them. Can a mother squander her minor sons' wealth with no thought of
their welfare?-that is a case i have to face in court. What a shame this is!


  How can we live in dignity after such a great tragedy? With court cases and
partitioning of the properties, i was glad the house we lived in was bought in my
name, as it ensured us not only shelter but a home filled with memories of my
dear husband.
 
  The bathroom with two closets! the four pillars in the middle of the
house,tiles laid to play games were the fond indulgences of a beloved father.


  The children are growing up. Shaku is the role model for her sisters. She loves
to read and closely follows the freedom struggle articles in the papers. She is
an academic and i'm willing to send her to American college for her college
education, eventhough it's a men's college and many may disapprove.
  Kousi is good in her studies too. I've arranged for a music and veena teacher and i hope the
children will benefit greatly from all this.
  Leela likes her music lessons and tries to inspire the young ones too.
 I love to hear them sing especially Kabali!
  Thambi trading bajjis and playing with his siblings wrenches my heart with sorrow that
his father is not here to enjoy all this.
  Nappu is not really interested in her books but she is such a treasure
 as she helps my mother and helps the little ones.
  Vasantha is my smiling daughter so helpful and so dutiful.
  I wonder why my youngest daughter is so naughty. She would'nt touch her plate, if her
favourite dishes are not on the table. Her playful nature,her competitive spirit
and her knack with numbers remind me of her father too.My youngest one is the
softest. He is so polite,so understanding, so neat, so devoted to his brother.It
melts my heart just to look at him.
 
  How is life going to treat all of them. I have to find good spouses for all
of them. Wealth is important but good character is more important. I'm rather proud of my sons
so virtuous and free of any vices , my clever daughters so beautiful and so caring.. It
warms my heart seeing them care for each other and helping each other in their
little ways.
  What does the future hold for them? What is their legacy? When faced
with adversity how will they face it? How can i empower them? They are so
playful and pay no heed when i tell them to study.If they are ready, i am
willing to send them to college.Will at least half of them get a college
degree?


  When this enormous wealth reaches their hands, my sons should not let it go to
their heads. It's more important to lead a morally upright good life rather than
a showy flamboyant famous but decadent life.As the daughters of a nobleman, do
i have to find spouses equal in status. It's indeed a big responsibility. As
their father used to say, all these are truly destined. Good men who will
keep my daughters happy are all i'm looking for. The modest dowry can help them start
on with life. I will be happy to see my diamonds adorning my children. If ever
my daughters face any difficulties in life, they have each other to care for,
and my jewellery which will go to them and even a little of their father's
wealth should help them. No daughter of the great man should ever suffer for
want of a dignified life. Let my children share their wellbeing with eachother
and may their getting together resound with laughter, care and understanding.
May their father bless them with long lives,many children,love and
laughter
  May their legacy be fulfilled as they find joy and comfort in each other.






By,
Sivagami Palanisamy in Sumithra Elango


brickbats and bouquets awaited !!